Recently I have discovered that I struggle in terms of noticing what is going on around me. I am unaware, unobservant, and clueless. One of my best friends, Meghan, always makes fun of me for being clumsy. I knock things over, I am constantly running into people (or accidentally slapping/hitting/bumping them), and I seem to always have a bruise/cut/stubbed toe. Those things have never really bothered me. I mean, yeah, it can be awkward when I am blundering about, but it has never been a real issue. Until now.
Everyone has a life inside their mind. Some of us live in it more than others, but it is universal. Our thoughts, perceptions, judgments, reactions, dreams, beliefs, etc all make up this world. I think I might live in mine a bit too much....causing the cluelessness. I tend to make things real or not-real in my mind based on my emotions or perceptions instead of actual facts. This world inevitably bleeds into my real-life world and causes a great deal of problems.
I have been dating this boy recently and had overanalyzed and over-thought everything that would happen in my head. Because I had thought through everything I was feeling and everything that was happening in the life in my mind, I believed it was real. But, alas, it was not. During a conversation I had with my boy I realized I was stuck. I had been completely unaware, unobservant, and clueless to the fact that he had no idea how I was feeling because he wasn't in my head. Obviously. I mean, duh Audrey! So I had to build up my courage and bridge the gap between my two worlds. Because nothing will ever be accomplished or gained if those two worlds are not aligned. Yeah, it can be scary to open up the doors to that personal world in your head, but it can be so worth it. Trust me.
So I will definitely still be knocking things over but I am going to try to keep my two worlds more parallel. Not so distant and not so focused on one (aka get out of my head and into the real world). I had one moment where I wasn't scared of showing my inner world to someone else and I found something really great.
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